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July 11: David created this web site!
July 13: Neighborhood BBQ at Karl's.
August 5: HOA Meeting at 7 PM, David's containers.

Do you know the Chicken Man?

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HOA Rules & Regulations

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The Neighborhood of Perpetual Perfection Homeowners Association: Rules & Regulations (Revised 7/11/2025)

Preamble:

Welcome, residents, to The Neighborhood of Perpetual Perfection! The aim is to uphold a high standard of living. This ensures that every element of the neighborhood, from landscaping to social interactions, meets aesthetic and social standards. Residents should familiarize themselves with the following detailed guidelines. These are non-negotiable.

1. Architectural Aesthetics and Color Palette:

All homes must be painted in one of the 53 shades of beige or off-white approved by the Architectural Review Committee (ARC). An exception is "Bold Color Day," on Tuesday, October 27th, when homeowners may apply a single 12-inch square swatch of any color to the front door for a maximum of 3.7 minutes.
Any architectural changes, including adding or removing a single brick, must be pre-approved by the ARC in writing. This must be accompanied by detailed blueprints, color swatches of the aforementioned approved shades, and a non-refundable "Architectural Harmony Assurance" fee of $2,500.

2. Lawn and Landscaping Maintenance (The "Green Standard"):

Lawns must be mowed precisely to a height of 2.75 inches every Tuesday, regardless of weather conditions or prior mowing within a 24-hour period. Non-compliance will result in a $50 fine per 0.01 inch deviation.
Only approved "harmonious flora" may be planted. This includes certain types of ornamental grasses, hydrangeas, and select succulents. Vegetable gardens, fruit-bearing plants, and any plant deemed "unseemly" by the ARC are strictly prohibited. {Link: Certain HOAs have even banned pink flamingo lawn ornaments, deeming them "tacky." https://onrapp.com/10-crazy-hoa-rules-that-will-make-you-laugh/}.
Mulch color must be within two shades of "Sunset Red" or "Forest Floor Brown" as designated by the HOA. Random deviations will result in a $75 fine and mandatory re-mulching within 48 hours.

3. Pet Regulations (The "Pawsitive" Approach):

Only pets weighing under 15 pounds and possessing a verifiable pedigree proving a "calm and non-disruptive temperament" are permitted. Goldfish are exempt, but their tanks must be kept out of sight from the street.
Pet waste must be immediately removed and disposed of in specially designated HOA-approved, biodegradable bags, available at the HOA office for a nominal fee. Failure to comply will result in a $100 fine per incident and mandatory attendance at "Responsible Pet Ownership" seminars.

4. Social Engagements (The "Cordial Code"):

Overnight guests are subject to a $10 fee per night and an additional $5 if they utilize a guest parking space. Guests staying more than two consecutive nights (or three during the approved holiday season) must be registered with the HOA, and their "community impact assessment" will be reviewed by the Social Harmony Subcommittee.
Outdoor gatherings of more than four individuals require prior notification to the HOA at least 72 hours in advance to ensure no conflict with pre-scheduled community "Quiet Enjoyment Hours." Noise levels must remain below 47 decibels at all times.

5. Miscellaneous (But Highly Important) Directives:

Garage doors may only be open for a maximum of five minutes at any given time, regardless of activity within.
Trash cans may not be visible from any public street, common area, or neighboring property. They must be stored in HOA-approved receptacles, available for purchase at the HOA office, and only placed at the curb between 6:00 AM and 7:00 AM on collection days.
Outdoor holiday decorations are permitted only between December 1st and January 5th. Decorations placed outside this timeframe will be subject to immediate removal and storage fees.
The HOA reserves the right to amend these rules at any time, without prior notice, and to interpret said rules as it sees fit. Ignorance of these rules is not an excuse for non-compliance.
Any resident deemed to be fostering a "negative or unharmonious attitude" towards the HOA or its policies may be subject to a "Spirit of Community Adjustment" fee and mandatory "Positive Community Engagement" sessions.

Your cooperation in upholding the standards of The Neighborhood of Perpetual Perfection is appreciated!

Sincerely,

The Board of Directors, The Neighborhood of Perpetual Perfection Homeowners Association

Meet the Chicken Man of Cherry Creek Ridge

By: Concerned But Curious Resident

If you’ve ever driven out of Cherry Creek Ridge and thought, “Did I just pass a poultry-themed yard sale hosted by Gandalf?” — congratulations, you’ve encountered Charles, better known to the locals as Chicken Man.

Charles is a fixture on the outskirts of our tiny three-house neighborhood, living out of a slightly rusted van that’s parked strategically just off the main road — and directly in the county easement. He's hard to miss: a tall Black man with a striking white beard and matching hair that could land him a second career as the wise sage in a fantasy movie... or a chicken whisperer in a quirky indie film.

Behind the van is a box truck that appears to have absorbed every free item off Craigslist since 2008. If that’s not enough, he also owns a horse trailer, though there’s no horse in sight — unless it's buried under the mountain of broken microwaves, busted buckets, and what may or may not be a lawnmower from the Nixon administration.

But Chicken Man’s most prized possessions? The chickens. No one’s sure how many he has. They roam like tiny feathered sheriffs, pecking at gravel and occasionally staring down passing joggers. We assume he feeds them, but we’ve also seen them hopping up onto the hood of his van like they’re claiming it for the flock.

Karl’s dog, Riley, however, is not a fan. Riley has made it his personal mission to bark ferociously every time Chicken Man or his hens so much as ruffle a feather. Chicken Man responds by waving a plastic shovel in the general direction of Riley, as if they are engaged in some long-standing feud worthy of a Netflix docuseries.

Now, here's the kicker: Charles claims to own all the land around him — including, yes, Cherry Creek Ridge. Whether he holds a mysterious deed written in invisible ink or he's just spiritually adopted the land remains unclear. The three houses that actually do exist on legally recorded lots? Mere “tenants,” according to Chicken Man’s universe.

There’s also ongoing speculation about whether Cherry Creek (the actual creek, not the Ridge) is doubling as Chicken Man’s personal restroom. We don’t have proof, and frankly, none of us want to be the one to investigate. Let's just say: don’t drink the creek water.

As the junk expands and the chickens multiply, Chicken Man has become a local legend — part squatter, part philosopher, part poultry overlord. Love him or scratch your head at him, he’s now part of the quirky ecosystem that makes Cherry Creek Ridge... well, unique.

One thing’s for sure: if you ever need a broken fax machine, a conversation about land rights, or a chicken to stare into your soul, Chicken Man has you covered.